The Butcher Knife

I am your hot LZ.

 

While talking to the man next to me in a long line a woman marched up to me and demanded, “Did he give you his cell phone number?” She’s seen me write something down on a snip of paper. 

“No.  Should he have?”  

One day it would be my turn to feel deprived and excluded, to lose weight and to lose sleep; weepy, needing 5 to 6 miles to

walk despair off.

Police report a Wisconsin woman aimed a gun at her fiancée’s head after finding him w/another woman in the basement of

his home.  When the gun didn’t fire she stabbed him instead. [Associated Press [AP] October, 2011.]

A woman named Corinne stomped on a woman’s belly killing her unborn child. The father was her husband. A man 

named Sherman was exiled from Illinois for killing his spouse when he walked in on her betrayal. They say homicide is legal in Texas when you catch your wife in flagrante delecti. At the Fillmore Gardens complex a husband sat in his car outside his wife’s apartment. “He’s waiting to catch her cheating,” a neighbor said. When an American serving in South America invited South American men to his party they asked in all seriousness, “Do we bring the mistress or the wife?”   

Being married shows us loveable; employed, capable; published, credible; trusted, even.

Camus said, “In our town men and women consume one another rapidly.” A library book asked, ‘why do men cheat?’ and

gives as many answers as there were respondents. You might say, “Man loves little and often, woman rarely and much.”  Leonard Pitts wrote that when a daughter said, “My daddy’s not like that,” the response she got was, “Honey, they’re all like that.”  B.B. King had 11 children with 11 women and none with his two wives. I knew a man Tony who has five daughters with five women. Ms. Lewinsky said “[Clinton] told them I was there to provide a service.” Jesse Jackson, Julius Erving, Michael Jordan, Mick Jagger, Strom Thurman and Charles Lindberg all had relations outside marriage. Neither Joanne Woodward, Eve, or Jackie Kennedy were the first wife. “Things that no one knows leave no trace.” Italo Svevo wrote. 

When Allen Iverson’s wedding was announced a woman quipped, “I don’t care.  I know where he hangs out!” I’ve known

men to call amours when their wife was in the delivery room.  One wife gave the boot when hubby didn’t show up at all. A woman’s son had two women pregnant at the same time. An American official stationed in Libya long ago said, “The most common were complaints referring to their husband’s frequent absences from home and general lack of communication and affection.”   

Your spouse is your next of kin. I was an outside child and even my biologic father said, “You wouldn’t understand.” Svevo

said, “The absent man is always wrong.” Janis Joplin sang, “One man, it ain’t much, it’s only every little thing.

We love with agenda. It adds insult to injury your man prefers others, when he gives to others what you thought was yours.

Barbara J. Wood says that intense feeling is “normal—the essence of being human.” 

I didn’t consider myself an especially jealous person. Mauvaise foi is lying to oneself.  What surprised me was the intensity,

the shock that overpowers, the high dosage that blocks out sensibility and all rationale like the time I jumped in a male friend’s pool with all my clothes on when another woman answered his door. I swore I would never go out looking for a man or his car in his usual hide-outs but I did one night, with a butcher knife.

Elizabeth Wadsworth Ellis was an outside child, conceived outside marriage, wed outside her culture, served outside her country (in Serbia, Sofia and St. Petersburg, Russia) and holds beliefs outside her upbringing. She also jumped out of an airplane.